


I Dream

by SteveLovesBucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Schmoop, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Everybody Lives, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Irondad, M/M, Men Crying, Mental Anguish, Parent Tony Stark, Pining, Pining Steve Rogers, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Endgame, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Reunions, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Songfic, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Steve Rogers Cries, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Thanos (Marvel) Dies, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Touch-Starved, True Love, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 06:30:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17278826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteveLovesBucky/pseuds/SteveLovesBucky
Summary: Songfic. Inspired by Andrea Bocelli's song "Sogno" ("I Dream"). After the Snap that turns half the population into ash, including his beloved Bucky, and the survivors regroup to plan their next move against Thanos, Steve battles with his own grief and his hope that the Snap can be undone.





	I Dream

**Author's Note:**

> After I read the summary of "Infinity War" and saw Steve's heartbroken gaze over Bucky's ashes, I had to write a story where they (and everyone before the culling) is reunited. He looks so defeated and hollow. Andrea Bocelli's song was the inspiration.
> 
> I swear, Steve and Bucky have been torn asunder more times than anybody deserves; they deserve their happily-ever-after!

Steve was sure that his heart had been broken for all time.

Thanos had simply snapped his fingers and, before his eyes, Bucky had become immobile and disintegrated to ash. No, no it just couldn’t be true! Not again. Not after Steve had lost Bucky at least three times. Not when they finally seemed to have a chance at happiness and an official marriage. Bucky had already showed him Wakanda’s flowers, to give an idea of what would work for the wedding. T’Challa and Shuri had even shown them the many options that they could have for marriage. All of the options made the couple giddy with excitement. Steve and Bucky had been entertaining the rosy image of marital bliss, going to bed together, awakening together, all the joys and security of marriage since they were just kids growing up in Brooklyn and it was finally happening!

Now Steve desperately grasped a handful of the ashes that had been the man he loved just moments before. He knew that every other person alive just moments before had suffered the same fate, but the sight of Bucky literally crumbling into ash hit him like Thanos had punched him clear across the battlefield. For the moment, he was numb with shock. While he could feel violent sobs beginning to stir deep inside him, the sight of Wanda disintegrating as she wailed with Vision’s lifeless body in her arms and Sam’s form similarly crumbling to ash momentarily stifled his budding anguish; he knew that grieving would have to wait until he personally turned Thanos into a mangled, bloody corpse.

\-----

Weeks had passed since that horrible day and survivors of the Snap had regrouped, eager to know whether the horror could be undone in addition to how they could defeat Thanos. Everybody, including Shuri and Bruce and all the remaining intelligence, was dead-eyed and numb with shock, and Steve was no exception. Thanos had a point about overpopulation and its related problems, but that he would justify genocide was sickening; Steve himself had fought against similar forces back in the 1940s and that the man he loved, his Bucky, whom he had thought was lost to him at least three times, had been among those who had been culled made Steve’s blood boil. As much as he wanted to collapse in sobs, he fought to channel his grief into the rage that he now held for Thanos.

Tears of hope pricked at Steve’s eyes as he heard Shuri and Bruce report that those who had been turned to ash could be restored if the Infinity Gauntlet could be taken from Thanos. All the people undone by the Snap were technically dead, but their souls were now in the Soul Stone and still very much aware, if the report was accurate.  
_“Bucky, sweetheart,”_ Steve thought desperately, _“I’ve been praying nonstop that this could be undone, and now that there’s a possibility…! Oh God, as soon as we figure out a way, I will personally beat Thanos to death and bring you home! I can’t lose you again…!_  
Steve gritted his teeth, struggling to breathe normally and ignore the knot in his throat and the raw wound torn in his heart. As soon as they’d formulated a plan, Steve vowed that he would not stop fighting until Thanos was dead and Bucky was in his arms again.

_Va, ti aspetterò **Go, I will wait for you**_  
_Il fiore nel giardino segna il tempo **The flowers in the garden mark the time**_  
_Qui disegnerò il giorno poi del tuo ritorno **Here I will draw the day of your return**_  
_Sei così sicura del mio amore **You are so sure of my love**_  
_Da portarlo via con te **You take it away with you**_

Steve had been surprised when he and Tony had been able to reconcile so easily. He supposed that part of it was that everybody was grieving for somebody. Tony also seemed more objective about Bucky than when they’d last spoken; apparently, Tony had been curious enough about Bucky’s captivity by HYDRA to study the motivators and to Steve he seemed sincerely moved by what he’d learned.  
Bucky might have killed Tony’s parents, but the malice he could now see belonged exclusively to HYDRA; Bucky was just as much a victim as the people he assassinated.

“You were right, Cap,” Tony had said, “I won’t say that I can just accept him with open arms, but I understand now that they didn’t give him a choice. And I know that he means the world to you. I’d have done the same for Pepper.”  
Tony and Nebula had been retrieved from Titan to the resistance rally on Wakanda, and at first he bristled with hostility when he saw Steve in his presence, but it did not take long for Tony to see through the stoic mask that Steve wore. Tony recognized that anguished look all too well since Peter had been among the culled; Peter was the closest thing to a son that Tony had and everybody now wore some variation of that same bereaved expression.  
“I know that this will take time and effort for us to resolve, Tony,” Steve’s voice trembled, “But I’m just through with all the fighting and violence…! Once we defeat Thanos and reverse the Snap, as long as we get Peter and Bucky back, I’ll be happy to retire the shield and suit, I’m just…! I never wanted any of this to happen…!”

Tony nodded silently, his vendetta against Steve and Bucky no longer seemed important. Desperate for Peter to return, Tony had scooped up his ashes as carefully as he could and taken them with him when he and Nebula left Titan. He and Steve would have to resolve their private conflict later.

\-----

Steve’s eyes watered as he mentally ran through the details of how they would do battle the next day, but he steeled himself. It was practically second nature to gay men in the 1930s and 40s even before the war, to dissociate from feelings out of self-preservation.  
On the eve before the confrontation with Thanos, Steve could still feel the weight of grief but he remained determined to channel his pain into the wrath that he was eager to demonstrate on Thanos. Still, it was difficult; he knew that everybody bereaved by the Snap was still emotionally raw and on edge he did not want to give into emotions until victory, for fear that if he started crying he wouldn’t be able to stop, that it would make others cry.  
He remembered the past several months since the Snap, months that he and Bucky should have been preparing for the wedding that they had wished and hoped would soon be a reality. How could this happen to them again? Why was life so determined to keep him and Bucky apart? Just when there seemed to be certainty for them to live happily ever after together…!  
The numb heaviness in his chest that he now knew all too well was all the worse since Steve metabolized alcohol too fast to even feel tipsy. He’d learned that the hard way when Bucky fell from the train over seventy years before. Not even Thor’s ale worked long. All that he could do was confront the pain directly, leaving him miserable.  
Steve wanted Bucky to hold him and stroke his hair, to let him release his sorrow, to hear Bucky’s heart beating and to hear that husky voice that made him weak in the knees and made him feel safe and happy. But he wasn’t there.  
“Please promise me you’ll be there, Bucky,” Steve’s voice cracked, clenching his teeth desperately as he held his clasped hands to his mouth, eyes watering, “God, whoever’s there, let Bucky and I be reunited! I don’t know if I can survive losing him again, so I’m begging you that we’ll be together again!”

_Chiuso nelle mani **Cupped in your hands**_  
_Che ti porti al viso **When you touch your face**_  
_Ripensando ancora a me **As you still think of me**_  
_E se ti servirà lo mostri al mondo **And if you need to, you can show the world**_  
_Che non sa che vita c'è **The world that doesn't know what life there is**_  
_Nel cuore che distratto sembra assente **In an uncaring absent heart**_  
_Non sa che vita c'è **Doesn't know what life there is**_  
_In quello che soltanto il cuore sente **In that only the heart can feel**_  
_Non sa… **Doesn’t know…**_

“Brother!” Shuri squealed joyously as T’Challa reappeared, free from the Soul Stone, dazed but unharmed.  
“Shuri!” he caught her as she ran into his arms, both of them weeping for joy as Okoye joined their huddle.

Steve was speechless. They’d won. Thanos was dead, the Infinity Gauntlet now lie battered but it was now in their possession and the Snap was finally being undone.

Steve knew that he was emotionally compromised, but he had accepted that he himself was the best choice to take up the Gauntlet and reverse the Snap. He didn’t care if he was celebrated for being the one to undo the culling, he just wanted the man he loved in his arms again.  
As much as he wanted Bucky to return first, he knew that others wanted their loved ones to return and that the return might be random. Despite the pain of yearning for the man he loved, Steve had gingerly retrieved the Gauntlet and concentrated on undoing all that Thanos had done.

It was wondrous to watch. Where people’s ashes had fallen, now the ashes were returning to their former state. Many of the restored people around him were strangers to him and they looked confused at first until they realized that they were alive again. Their elation was beyond description, as they seemed to glow with joy. In addition to the joy of seeing at least one friend and ally freed from the Snap, Steve felt tears of hope burning in his eyes as he looked all around him.

“Mr. Stark!” a teenage boy with big brown eyes yelped happily as Tony eagerly embraced him.  
“Peter, I thought I’d lost you,” Tony sobbed as he clasped his adoptive son protectively.

“Steve!!”  
Steve ran eagerly toward Sam and Wanda, the three of them almost tumbling to the ground as they hugged vigorously. Steve could feel warm wetness streaking his face as the numbness hanging from his heart fell away, leaving a dull ache.  
“Are you two all right?” Steve inquired anxiously before he remembered, his happiness faltering, “Bucky… what about Bucky, where is he-?”  
“Shhh, we saw him, Steve,” Sam reassured him as Steve unashamedly kissed both of them on the cheek, “He was with us the whole time that the Soul Stone held us.”  
“There’s a very good chance that you’ll see him shortly,” Wanda said wistfully, herself wondering silently if Vision would be restored to life.  
“Wanda, darling,” they heard Vision’s voice beside them. Vis hardly had a moment to react before Wanda threw herself into his arms, sobbing in relief while Sam gave a relieved laugh as he turned to the couple before him.

“I am Groot,” Steve heard Groot’s voice several meters behind him and turned to look before he caught sight of Rocket, who was usually so brusque and unsentimental, leap at the young tree and hugged him like he was afraid that this was all a dream.  
Steve was surprised to see Rocket _crying_. He knew Rocket well enough to know that the raccoon was anything but affectionate or emotional.

But where was Bucky? He had to be there; he’d fallen nearby. Steve was torn between welcoming the rest of his lost friends home and searching for the childhood friend whom he’d wanted as his husband since they were just fourteen.  
Steve frantically searched the crowd of reunited families and friends who were rejoicing all around him. Tears stung his eyes and he began to feel panic that the Gauntlet had not returned him, although he reminded himself that there could be many reasons that he and Bucky had not found each other yet.  
As he began to feel the hollow numbness leave his chest, Steve gasped violently. The sobs that he’d stifled as he saw Bucky disintegrate right in front of him had returned with a vengeance. _Where was he?!?_

_“Bucky!!!”_ Steve practically screamed, feeling his self-control fail and his instincts take its place. _“JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES, PLEASE ANSWER ME!”_ Steve let all his anguish seep into his wail.

_Qui ti aspetterò **Here I will wait for you**_  
_E ruberò I baci al tempo **And steal kisses from time**_  
_Tempo che non basta a cancellare **Time is not enough to erase**_  
_Coi ricordi il desiderio che **The memories and the desire that**_  
_Resta chiuso nelle mani **Remains closed in your hands**_  
_Che ti porti al viso **That you bring to your face.**_  
_Ripensando a me **You still think of me**_  
_E ti accompagnerò passando le città da me **It will follow you and passing me in the city**_  
_Da me che sono ancora qui **I'll still be here**_  
_E sogno cose che non so di te **Dreaming of things that I don't know about you.**_  
_Dove sarà che strada farà il tuo ritorno **Where is the road that you will take on your return**_  
_Sogno… **I dream…**_

Many people were calling for loved ones. Steve wondered if it was useless.

_“Steven Grant Rogers! Where are you, you punk?!?”_

It was Bucky’s voice, and Steve finally caught sight of Bucky’s face across the field. 

Joy burst forth inside Steve as they began running toward each other through the crowd, startling a few people but that hardly mattered to them now. His legs felt weak, but he willed them to move. He couldn’t collapse, not yet.

“Bucky-!” Steve sobbed.  
“Stevie, Baby…!” Bucky threw his arms around Steve as they embraced like tomorrow would never come, kissing each other just as eagerly.

As they kissed, Steve was so overcome that he could no longer stand and his legs buckled under him.  
“Steve,” Bucky was surprised as Steve collapsed against him but was happy to lower them both to the ground, where they knelt.  
“Shhh…! Oh Baby, don’t cry, I’m here-!” Bucky gasped as Steve buried his face against Bucky’s neck, sobbing violently as he hugged Bucky tightly.  
“I can’t help it, Sweetie…!” Steve’s voice was husky and muffled against Bucky’s shoulder, his nose welcoming the familiar virile fragrance that both comforted and thrilled him, shivering as Bucky's chestnut locks caressed his brow and as Bucky’s hand caressed through Steve's own hair, “I-I thought I’d lost you again…! Oh God, Bucky, I love you...! I love you...!”  
Bucky felt his own cheeks wet with tears as he clasped Steve, gently rocking them both as he let Steve release what had become years of pain. It hurt him to see Steve so distraught, but Bucky knew that Steve needed this.  
“Shhh, I’m here, Babe. Shhh…” he crooned, feeling warm wetness soaking his shoulder as Steve sobbed in combined agony and joy, feeling in his heart healing after thinking for months that it had been broken forever.

“I-I love you, Bucky,” Steve gasped as he withdrew to look Bucky in the eye, wincing a bit as he saw Bucky’s eyes red and his cheeks shiny and wet.  
Despite his sadness at seeing Steve’s eyes red and his face flushed from crying, Bucky smiled as he leaned in to kiss Steve’s tears, “I love you too, Babe.”

They held each other for a long time, hardly noticing that the crowd was dispersing around them as families and friends left to continue their reunions elsewhere. As Steve calmed down, he pulled away to gaze into Bucky's eyes.  
"Let's settle down, Sweetheart," he murmured tiredly as he stroked Bucky's equally tired face, "I don't care what happens next, I just want to marry you and settle down with you. If that means that I step down as Captain America, I'll be happy to do that as long as we can be together. I'm just so tired of war and worrying about whether you're all right, it's just-"  
Bucky cut off that thought with a gentle kiss, "Of course, Babe. I've wanted to settle down with you for the longest time. I don't care if it's in Brooklyn or here in Wakanda, I just want you."

_Qui ti aspetterò **Here I will wait for you**_  
_E ruberò I baci al tempo **And steal kisses from time**_  
_Sogno… **I dream**_  
_Un rumore il vento che mi sveglia **A noise, the wind awakens me**_  
_E sei già qua… **And you're already here…**_


End file.
